Nostalgia setting in

Gawd, I look awful. I wish I had some nice
candid artistic shots done.

I am feeling a bit nostalgic these days watching Little V growing up so quickly. I try to hold him in my arms and force him to fall asleep like he used to when he was a small nugget. Now, he just wants to look around and play... I call him "Bajiggity". And inside I'm like... SLEEP and CUDDLE with me!!!! hahaha

I try to squeeze him in my favourite clothes of his that I don't want to let go, and lately I just can't stop taking pictures of him! As a friend said, "I'm trying to memorize his little face"... I couldn't have said it better myself.

The first three months for me was tough. Breastfeeding was a challenging nightmare, little man used to wake up every 1.5 hours to be fed at night and I was just plain scared and tired all the time. At three months, we developed a routine and now at 7 months, I can finally say that I know who my son is.

It's such a strange adjustment to have a piece of you living in the outside world. I have to say, at first I just wanted to run away and be alone. I did not have post partum depression, but I was struggling with myself. I knew that I loved my son unconditionally, I just wanted to be selfish. I wanted my arms to myself. I didn't want to hold anything, lug anything, push anything, clean anything... I just wanted to be the old me. I think it takes a lot of courage to openly speak your mind, because you feel like you are being judged if you don't "fall in love" with your baby immediately. I also struggled with attachment issues, I felt like I didn't HAVE to be with him 24/7, I was more than happy to leave him with grandma and go run some errands.

Mind you, running errands when you are a new mom consists of slapping lipstick on to go to Walmart and do a quick one stop shop grocery. Thank goodness for their new produce section!
"Diapers, maybe a new t-shirt for me, get milk, check if the formula is on sale... wait I have coupons and flyers for price matching!" This was me for the first few months. What a nerd!

Little V, now at 7 months

You know how in Twilight the werewolves imprint themselves on the vampires... well this sounds dorky, but I think something like that happened to me and V recently. I just can't get enough of his little face. I think now that we have a routine and I am not sleep deprived, I have more time to enjoy him. I think it helps that he laughs with me, he eats my face (and drools all over), gives me squeezes (while pulling my hair) and pets my arm hair (hahaha). I think I needed that reciprocal interaction with him to compensate for the lack of bonding we missed out on since I did not breastfeed.

Just a little heads up that the next few posts will be dedicated to remembering things that I used to do with V, so one day, on the eve of his wedding I can look back and remember my little blue eyed monkey.

Happy 7 month b-day V! Mama love you bunny rabbit xox